ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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