God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
