the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
