Ketchup is God's man juice
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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