i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
