I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
