Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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