Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
