i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
