btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
