so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
cat food counts as protein by the way
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
