I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
