he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
