he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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