There was a lot of him and a little penis
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
