Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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