Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
