omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
