Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
