you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
