The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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