If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The power of my boobs compel you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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