the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
