My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
