Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
