drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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