I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize