he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
