Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
