new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i out mim tonsoeep
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