so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
