my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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