listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
