I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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