So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
