he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
