White coat. Heels.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
