Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
