we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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