its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
