Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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