Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
