My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize