theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
