i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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