Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
