Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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