ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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