Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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