please come you make the beer taste better
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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