Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
