Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
