i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
