Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
