If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
