I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
