shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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