if you like me you must not know who I am
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You left your phone here
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