dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize