I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
