The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
