If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
