And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
