How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i came on her dog
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
