I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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