It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
