You just made me feel so damn special
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
