It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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