Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
